Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My Own Worst Enemy

I already feel the fear and self-loathing working their dark magic on me. I didn't write at all yesterday. I used exhaustion as an excuse. Waking at 2 am wouldn't stop a normal person from accomplishing a daily goal, but I am no normal person. I have some excruciating things going on in my life right now. Most people are able to play through that type of pain, but I have a pessimistic nature and a tendency to give up. Those are not very useful tools for a woman trying to create herself from the inside out. How do I channel this into something I can use? That's what the most courageous souls do. They experience heartache, but they use it to their own benefit and to the benefit of others. I want to be courageous. I want to take this pain and fear and somehow use it to conjure a message of Hope, Perserverance and Love. I want to be one of those souls who create a glow which warms the cold and weary and instills a sense of Purpose and Light.


This is my war within, and today is only one of many future battles between Darkness and Light.

3 comments:

  1. Don't even get me started on your not being courageous. You're a mom of 3 with a husband deployed. Every day you get up takes courage. First of all, STOP putting yourself down. You never give up! Don't even say that there are a lot of other wives in the same situation. No, they're not. Your situation is yours, and theirs is theirs. You're about to get me on a soap box. Have you not realized the encouragement you've given me and the impact you've made on me since we've been talking? You deserve a medal just for that. You've made me start "just thinking" about doing things, when before I probably wouldn't have it on a list that I WILL ATTEMPT! You've made me think of Cinderella's words, "I don't think I have any dreams left to dream." (Something to that effect) You've made me start thinking, which leads to dreaming. Now that's a gift! THANK YOU!

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  2. I'm not putting myself down. I am simply examining my true nature and trying to think of ways to make it work for me. It is as though I am working out a Math problem, only instead of long division this is my life. =-D

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  3. I concede! =-D You shouldn't have taught me that. lol Self-examination is necessary to find the cancers of life that can kill us before we've had a chance to live.

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